Monday, November 1, 2010

Massive Chaos

"Silent Comfort"



Melody had another relapse last week with her injury and ended up going back in for surgery. It's now been a 7 month nightmare in trying to keep my horse alive. Every time I see the vets they tell me that my horse should be dead. I just keep trekking, and treating her because I know if I slack off even slightly she could get infected and die.
Back when she first injured herself I put my entire life on hold while I stressed out and obsessed over keeping my beloved mare alive. I felt empty and alone, but I figured this was all because of what was happening right in front of me. My horse was seriously hurt, and that's all there was to it. In reality it wasn't. It wasn't the stress of the horse's injury that was making me feel empty- it was the lack of creative energy that was doing it.
It's only been the past 3 months that I've realized I HAVE to paint, I HAVE to write, I HAVE to use my creativity or there's really no point in being here. After I complete a painting or write a short story I feel so warm, so full of life. It doesn't matter what kind of day I've had, if I come home and do something creative everything is instantly better. Art is a part of life, and I have to do it. Since I embraced my creative side again I'm not as stressed out. The threat of dire things still looms heavier over my head, but I can deal with it now. I can take it and channel it into something- a painting, a short story.
Poor Melody still has a long way to go. She came home Friday after her surgery and it confined to strict stall rest. She's such a brave little mare. Everyday when she sees me she nickers happily and rests her head on my chest. I keep praying everything will be alright, and any doubt or troubles get washed away in layers of paint on canvas.